I have been told my whole life that I’m fat, but everyone was wrong about that. I’m not fat, and I have only ever been fat once in my life.
I believed them anyway.
I stand just over 5’1. As a kid, I used to stretch my height out to 5’2, but I’m proud to be short now. I weigh somewhere between 146-156 lbs, depending on the week, and I’m not ok with that.
I am told every day by former co-workers and former friends that I look amazing these days, but that’s only because they remember what I looked like a few years ago, and how far I’ve come.
I was 250 lbs in 2008, although I didn’t look more than 210-220 lbs. The day I stepped on the scale and realized just how much weight I’ve gained was probably the hardest and most devastating day of my life. I cannot remember a time when I felt more self-defeated, more depressed with who I was than that day. That sensation…that feeling has lived with me for the last 3 years, and I don’t think I will ever forget it.
I have always been so concerned with my weight, but now it’s become an obsession. In 2005, I weighed 135 lbs, I was skinny, pretty, smart, funny, and for the first time in my life I was “popular”. I didn’t realize how much weight is part of how people relate to you until I felt both extremes. When I was skinny, people loved me, when I was fat, people avoided me and ignored me. I hated that feeling, but I hate them more for making me feel that way.
I decided to do this adventure for myself, and not anyone else. This isn’t about what YOU see, it’s about how I FEEL…
When I look in the mirror…
When I try on new clothes…
When I go outside this summer in shorts and a tank top…
I want to feel beautiful because I am healthy, not because people like me better when I’m skiny. I’m going to get healthy. I’m going to be able to jog 5 km next year without having to stop. I’m going to be awesome because I want to be. I am 100% confident that I can do this and NOTHING is going to stand in my way.