Day 1 – Nyx

Arm: 10.5″
Bust: 39.5″
Waist: 30″
Hips: 39″
Thigh: 22″
Weight: 153 lbs
(I somehow gained 2 lbs in 2 days >.<)

Fitness:
35 minutes on the treadmill. 2.17 miles completed in that time.
Max heart rate: 189
Average Heart Rate: 181
(only measured HR after jog interval)
Average speed: 16:30/mile

Strength:
Lat Pulldown: 50lbs, 10 times, 3 sets
Incline Press: 50 lbs, 10 times, 3 sets
Leg Press: 70lbs, 15 times, 3 sets
Arm Curl: 10lbs, 10 times, 3 sets
Shoulder Press: 20 lbs, 10 times, 3 sets

———

I was up at 4:30 this morning because one of the dogs in the house needed to go outside, so I just got up and started getting ready. I read Morte's post, lazed around for a bit, and then took off for the gym. It is a bit of a drive to get there, and I had to stop to buy water, which sucked.

Note to self: find and wash water bottle for use at the gym.

I walked in, warmed up, did my interval training on the treadmill, did my weights, cooled down, and ran out the door to make it to school on time. It was an amazing feeling to be that energized off so little sleep, especially since I had my first day of classes today. Hitting the gym in the morning is probably the best thing I could do, and I'm happy I've decided to do it this way.

Now, I have a ton of studying to do for my psych class, so I'm just going to wrap this up. Tomorrow is my "rest day", which means I focus on cardio. I'll give you a better write up tomorrow, I promise!

Peace, Love and Frogs,
Nyx

What I Want…

I went to the gym the other day just to see how far I could push myself, and I have hurt ever since. I can live with the sore muscles in my bum and thighs as that’s just sign of toning muscles, but the shins are holding me back, and I don’t like it.

Tomorrow is the first day of the fitness adventure for Morte and I. I feel almost jealous that he gets to kick his own ass just as I’m crawling into bed tonight. I feel like the gym is an obsession, an addiction. I can’t get enough, even when I’m hurting. I want to push myself as far as I can go to make sure I reach my goal.

Let’s talk about my goals for a moment. I mentioned earlier how far I wanted to take this, but I want to put down a solid definition down to what I’m doing here. I now weigh 151 lbs even. I wear a size 10-12 depending on the make of the jeans, and my shirts fit somewhere between Medium and Large because of the size of my chest. I am a very top-heavy girl, and I don’t think that will change (nor do I want it to). I would love my cup size to drop down to a DD instead of an F, just so I can buy bras that don’t cost $150 CND. That’s a little pricey for my measly student income. I want to fit into a size 5 pant, and my tops will depend on the size of my chest, so I’m not concerned with that at this point. I want to lose enough weight that I fit into those sizes, and I want to tone my body up so there are no flabby parts.

I’m so concerned with my body image, it’s ridiculous. That stems from my childhood, and now it’s all about what I see when I look in the mirror. I still see the girl who is 250 lbs, unhappy, and lacking any form of self-esteem. If you follow my other blog, you’ll know that 2011 is about 5 Things:

Self-Ownership
Self-Esteem
Self-Confidence
Self-Respect
Self-Love

I’m lacking in all five categories. The gym, to me, focuses on self-ownership, self-esteem, and self-confidence, which will lead me to the remaining two. I want to love myself, and I never want to feel like I do now ever again.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, and come hell or high water, I am going to reach my goals and be a healthier person, mentally and physically, because of it. I’m excited to have you join Morte and I on this journey. It’s going to be full of happiness, sadness, frustration, and success, and I’m sure it’ll be fun to watch us change. Make sure you subscribe to our blog, and our Twitter account, should we ever form one.

Peace, Love and Frogs!
Nyx

About Nyx

I have been told my whole life that I’m fat, but everyone was wrong about that.  I’m not fat, and I have only ever been fat once in my life.

I believed them anyway.

I stand just over 5’1.  As a kid, I used to stretch my height out to 5’2, but I’m proud to be short now.  I weigh somewhere between 146-156 lbs, depending on the week, and I’m not ok with that.

I am told every day by former co-workers and former friends that I look amazing these days, but that’s only because they remember what I looked like a few years ago, and how far I’ve come.

I was 250 lbs in 2008, although I didn’t look more than 210-220 lbs.  The day I stepped on the scale and realized just how much weight I’ve gained was probably the hardest and most devastating day of my life.  I cannot remember a time when I felt more self-defeated, more depressed with who I was than that day.  That sensation…that feeling has lived with me for the last 3 years, and I don’t think I will ever forget it.

I have always been so concerned with my weight, but now it’s become an obsession.  In 2005, I weighed 135 lbs, I was skinny, pretty, smart, funny, and for the first time in my life I was “popular”.  I didn’t realize how much weight is part of how people relate to you until I felt both extremes.  When I was skinny, people loved me, when I was fat, people avoided me and ignored me.  I hated that feeling, but I hate them more for making me feel that way.

I decided to do this adventure for myself, and not anyone else.  This isn’t about what YOU see, it’s about how I FEEL…

When I look in the mirror…

When I try on new clothes…

When I go outside this summer in shorts and a tank top…

I want to feel beautiful because I am healthy, not because people like me better when I’m skiny.  I’m going to get healthy.  I’m going to be able to jog 5 km next year without having to stop.  I’m going to be awesome because I want to be.  I am 100% confident that I can do this and NOTHING is going to stand in my way.