I went to the gym the other day just to see how far I could push myself, and I have hurt ever since. I can live with the sore muscles in my bum and thighs as that’s just sign of toning muscles, but the shins are holding me back, and I don’t like it.
Tomorrow is the first day of the fitness adventure for Morte and I. I feel almost jealous that he gets to kick his own ass just as I’m crawling into bed tonight. I feel like the gym is an obsession, an addiction. I can’t get enough, even when I’m hurting. I want to push myself as far as I can go to make sure I reach my goal.
Let’s talk about my goals for a moment. I mentioned earlier how far I wanted to take this, but I want to put down a solid definition down to what I’m doing here. I now weigh 151 lbs even. I wear a size 10-12 depending on the make of the jeans, and my shirts fit somewhere between Medium and Large because of the size of my chest. I am a very top-heavy girl, and I don’t think that will change (nor do I want it to). I would love my cup size to drop down to a DD instead of an F, just so I can buy bras that don’t cost $150 CND. That’s a little pricey for my measly student income. I want to fit into a size 5 pant, and my tops will depend on the size of my chest, so I’m not concerned with that at this point. I want to lose enough weight that I fit into those sizes, and I want to tone my body up so there are no flabby parts.
I’m so concerned with my body image, it’s ridiculous. That stems from my childhood, and now it’s all about what I see when I look in the mirror. I still see the girl who is 250 lbs, unhappy, and lacking any form of self-esteem. If you follow my other blog, you’ll know that 2011 is about 5 Things:
Self-Ownership
Self-Esteem
Self-Confidence
Self-Respect
Self-Love
I’m lacking in all five categories. The gym, to me, focuses on self-ownership, self-esteem, and self-confidence, which will lead me to the remaining two. I want to love myself, and I never want to feel like I do now ever again.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, and come hell or high water, I am going to reach my goals and be a healthier person, mentally and physically, because of it. I’m excited to have you join Morte and I on this journey. It’s going to be full of happiness, sadness, frustration, and success, and I’m sure it’ll be fun to watch us change. Make sure you subscribe to our blog, and our Twitter account, should we ever form one.
Peace, Love and Frogs!
Nyx
Morte And Nyx's Fitness Adventure 